The Daily Crawfish

About The Daily Crawfish

Relax, beb. It’s just satire. If you’re not sure what that is, peruse the First Amendment. We love Louisiana. We just like satire, too. So try not to take any of it too seriously. If you do then this isn’t the place for you, cher.

RSS Lafayette

  • Historians Surprised To Discover That Marquis de Lafayette Known As “Laffy” To Friends, Family, Co-Workers
    NEW YORK CITY, NY – After years of research and delving into archival history, historians at the New York Historical Society were today surprised to learn that Marquis de Lafayette was primarily known as “Laffy”. Historians have found that the name was given to him by friends, family and co-workers because he was “a pretty […]
  • Magellan Takes On Extra 80,000 Christmas Workers To Meet Louisiana’s Demand For Fishing Shirts
    PHOENIX, AZ – With Christmas Day fast approaching, the festive gift-buying period is well underway. And to combat the ever-increasing demand for fishing shirts in Louisiana, Magellan has had to hire an extra 80,000 people to keep up with demand. A favorite within the borders of Louisiana, the Magellan fishing shirt is a staple clothing […]
  • Unfazed Eddie Rispone Already Back At Work On Santa’s Workshop Production Line
    NORTH POLE – Christmas waits for no elf! Despite narrowly losing the Louisiana governor’s race to John Bel Edwards last night, Eddie Rispone didn’t dwell on the disappointment and is already back hard at work. Moments after discovering that Edwards had won the race, Rispone was on his way back to the North Pole to […]
  • REPORT: Alabama Blame Loss On Malfunctioning Rolling Tidal System
    TUSCALOOSA, AL – After this afternoon’s 46-41 defeat to LSU, officials at Alabama Football are blaming the rare occurrence on a malfunctioning tidal system which was unable to be fixed in time. The tidal system, which is believed to be controlled from the depths of the stadium, was only able to roll a quiet, gentle […]
  • President Trump’s Major Announcement Confirms That All Lanes Of I-10 Are Open
    WASHINGTON, D.C. – After President Trump last night tweeted out that “something very big has just happened”, he this morning confirmed what a lot of people had suspected by announcing that all lanes on the I-10 are open. In what is a rarity and considered a huge announcement these days, he went on to deliver […]
  • In Ironic Twist, Going-Out-Of-Business Furniture Stores Only Remaining Stores Open In Lafayette
    LAFAYETTE, LA – In what one could call slight irony, it’s been announced that the only remaining stores still open for business within Lafayette are the going-out-of-business furniture stores. The stores, which have been “going out of business” for the past 20 years, are the only thriving industry within city limits. This comes after Oil […]
  • Misspelling On Permit To Blame For Delcambre Pimp Festival
    DELCAMBRE, LA – With many people realizing that something had gone wrong somewhere along the line, officials today confirmed that it was a misspelling on the permit that was the cause of this weekend’s Delcambre Pimp Festival. It’s fair to say that the majority of festival-goers were expecting to dive into a top-of-the-line selection of […]
  • Fracking In River Ranch To Begin As Large Underground Deposit Of White Claw Discovered
    RIVER RANCH, LA – After decades of heavy reliance upon oil, the state of Louisiana finally took its first step into a diverse economy today as fracking was given the green light in River Ranch. The discovery of a large underground deposit of White Claw was found underneath the neighborhood last week, and crews moved […]
  • Swimming Lane Added To Atchafalaya Basin As Alternative Travel Method To Basin Bridge
    BATON ROUGE, LA – With a spate of wrecks causing closures on the Basin Bridge within the last – well, since it was built, the DOTD announced this morning that a swimming lane in the Atchafalaya Basin was open for usage. The lane will offer the people to swim between Lafayette and Baton Rouge. Officials […]
  • 184 Gordon McKernan Billboards Discovered In Area 51 Raid
    AREA 51, NV – With the Area 51 raid in full swing and millions of people storming the secured area, it has been confirmed that unsurprisingly Gordon McKernan has had billboard space there for the past six years. Officials at the site confirmed today that McKernan does indeed have 184 billboards around the facility, advertising […]