The Daily Crawfish

About The Daily Crawfish

Relax, beb. It’s just satire. If you’re not sure what that is, peruse the First Amendment. We love Louisiana. We just like satire, too. So try not to take any of it too seriously. If you do then this isn’t the place for you, cher.

RSS Lafayette

  • Governor Edwards Reverts Louisiana To “Phase 27 And A Half”
    BATON ROUGE, LA – Governor John Bel Edwards confirmed today that he is reverting Louisiana back to a “phase 27 and a half”, after COVID cases remain simply unsustainable and something he no longer considers his problem. With COVID cases still high throughout the state due to a distinct lack of people really caring about protecting […]
  • With Success Of Saints Game On Nickelodeon, All Falcons Games To Be Shown Live On Comedy Central
    ALTANTA, GA – With the Nickelodeon broadcasting of the Bears and Saints game today, the Atlanta Falcons have immediately secured a lucrative 5-year deal to broadcast all of their games live on Comedy Central. With the Saints opting to have their game broadcast live on the kids channel, the Falcons were reportedly feeling a little left […]
  • CDC To Encourage COVID Vaccine In Louisiana By Administering It Via King Cake
    ATLANTA, GA – With many residents of Louisiana hesitant to receive the COVID-19 vaccination due to hearing that it causes patients to grow seventeen arms, the CDC today announced plans to offer the vaccine by administration via king cake. CDC and state officials alike believe that the move will encourage Louisiana residents to accept the vaccine […]
  • Acadiana Rings In 2021 With Fifth Annual Boudin Ball Drop
    LAFAYETTE, LA – Parc Lafayette was – despite nobody being there due to COVID restrictions – once again the place to be this New Years Eve, with the fifth annual Boudin Ball Drop taking place last night. Modeled on New York’s famed New Year Ball Drop, Acadiana saw one-ton, 10 foot wide, hot and fresh, […]
  • Clay Higgins Leaves Milk, Cookies, Handgun, Bible And Threatening Letter Out For Santa Before Bed
    ST. LANDRY PARISH, LA – All dressed up in his Christmas jimmy-jammies and ready to hit the sack in anticipation of the big day, Congressman Clay Higgins ensured that he left his annual milk, cookies, bible, handgun and threatening letter out for Santa Claus before bed this evening. He ensured that the milk was ice cold, […]
  • Clearly Overweight Jim Cantore Finishes 174th Po-Boy Since May
    LAFAYETTE, LA – Clearly having piled on a few extra pounds within recent months, The Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore wolfed down his 174th po-boy since May this afternoon ahead of the arrival of Hurricane Delta. Cantore, who is well-known for being on the frontline of the most dangerous weather systems as they hit the U.S., […]
  • The Tropics To Be Renamed ‘New Opelousas’ After Record Amounts Of Depression Recorded
    NEW OPELOUSAS – After seeing a record amount of depression within it’s vicinity over the past few days, the NOAA have begun the process of renaming the tropics to ‘New Opelousas’. This year’s hurricane season is a record-breaker, with seven or more area of depression currently in play and the potential for even more. Hurricane […]
  • Signs Of “Alien Life” Detected On Venus Turns Out To Just Be Another Legends Location
    VENUS, SOLAR SYSTEM – After earlier excitement over the discovery of what could potentially be “alien life” on the planet Venus, scientists and astronomers at MIT have been brought back to Earth with a bump after realizing that it’s just another Legends location. The news is sure to come as a huge disappointment to the […]
  • God Orders Return Of Viva La Waffle In Desperate Attempt To Restore Some Positivity To The Area
    LAFAYETTE, LA – In a desperate attempt to restore both some sense of normality and general happiness in the area, God gave the go-ahead earlier today for Viva La Waffle to be brought back. Originally known for slinging top-quality (not an ad) waffles from their food truck, Viva La Waffle plan to move into the old […]
  • Saints Fan Waiting At Least A Couple More Games To See If He’s Boycotting This Year
    LAFAYETTE, LA – Claiming that he hasn’t yet settled on a final decision, area New Orleans Saints fan Derek Locke has confirmed that he’s going to give it a few more games to see if he’s going to boycott watching the NFL this season. The Saints kicked off their 2020 campaign with a convincing 23-34 […]