The Daily Crawfish

About The Daily Crawfish

Relax, beb. It’s just satire. If you’re not sure what that is, peruse the First Amendment. We love Louisiana. We just like satire, too. So try not to take any of it too seriously. If you do then this isn’t the place for you, cher.

RSS Lafayette

  • Misspelling On Permit To Blame For Delcambre Pimp Festival
    DELCAMBRE, LA – With many people realizing that something had gone wrong somewhere along the line, officials today confirmed that it was a misspelling on the permit that was the cause of this weekend’s Delcambre Pimp Festival. It’s fair to say that the majority of festival-goers were expecting to dive into a top-of-the-line selection of […]
  • Fracking In River Ranch To Begin As Large Underground Deposit Of White Claw Discovered
    RIVER RANCH, LA – After decades of heavy reliance upon oil, the state of Louisiana finally took its first step into a diverse economy today as fracking was given the green light in River Ranch. The discovery of a large underground deposit of White Claw was found underneath the neighborhood last week, and crews moved […]
  • Swimming Lane Added To Atchafalaya Basin As Alternative Travel Method To Basin Bridge
    BATON ROUGE, LA – With a spate of wrecks causing closures on the Basin Bridge within the last – well, since it was built, the DOTD announced this morning that a swimming lane in the Atchafalaya Basin was open for usage. The lane will offer the people to swim between Lafayette and Baton Rouge. Officials […]
  • 184 Gordon McKernan Billboards Discovered In Area 51 Raid
    AREA 51, NV – With the Area 51 raid in full swing and millions of people storming the secured area, it has been confirmed that unsurprisingly Gordon McKernan has had billboard space there for the past six years. Officials at the site confirmed today that McKernan does indeed have 184 billboards around the facility, advertising […]
  • State Of Emergency Declared In River Ranch As White Tahoe Still Dirty After 24 Hours
    RIVER RANCH, LA – Despite tropical storm Barry having moved on and petered out, River Ranch today declared a state of emergency due to a resident’s white 2019 Tahoe still being covered in dirt for a whole 24 hours. The dirt was noticed on the Tahoe this afternoon as River Ranch residents began emerging from […]
  • Youngsville Residents Abandon God In Favor Of Aquaman After More Flooding Issues
    YOUNGSVILLE, LA – With tropical storm Barry dumping rain on the area all weekend, residents of the already flood-prone area of Youngsville have reportedly abandoned the idea of worshiping a God in favor of giving all of their devotion to Aquaman. The move comes on the back of many Youngsville streets taking on heavy water […]
  • State Officials Just Going To Keep Iberia Parish Voluntary Evacuation Issued Forever
    BATON ROUGE, LA – Despite the worst of Barry being over, Governor John Bel Edwards today confirmed that they’re probably just going to keep the voluntary evacuation issued to Iberia Parish in place forever. The evacuation was issued at the beginning of the weekend amid predictions of floods and high winds in the area, but […]
  • Barry Not Sure About Going Any Further After Seeing Morgan City
    GULF OF MEXICO – After getting a taste of Morgan City, Hurricane Barry has confirmed that he’s not sure he really wants to go any further. Barry made landfall a short time ago and moved into the Morgan City area shortly thereafter, however this has apparently been enough do dissuade him from moving any further […]
  • Cajun Navy’s Naval Destroyer “Ready And Waiting” Ahead Of Hurricane Barry
    YOUNGSVILLE, LA – With Hurricane Barry fast approaching and area flooding expected, the Cajun Navy’s naval destroyer CNS Thibodeaux has been drafted into the area and is “ready and waiting to see action”. The $1.8b ship was purchased just after the August floods of 2016 thanks to the generous donations of local folk and has […]
  • River Ranch Placed Under Martial Law Until Target Registers Are Back Up And Running
    RIVER RANCH, LA – With the registers down at Target stores nationwide, officials confirmed moments ago that River Ranch is currently under a state of Martial Law. There has been noticeable unrest and tension in the area since Target made the announcement an hour ago, and forces have moved in to ensure that emotions don’t […]