The Daily Crawfish

About The Daily Crawfish

Relax, beb. It’s just satire. If you’re not sure what that is, peruse the First Amendment. We love Louisiana. We just like satire, too. So try not to take any of it too seriously. If you do then this isn’t the place for you, cher.

RSS Lafayette

  • Cajundome Provide Free Impromptu Nickelback Concert With Every COVID-19 Test
    LAFAYETTE, LA – Claiming that it was both an effort to entertain those who attend and the fact that they have nothing better to do, Cajundome officials confirmed that rock band Nickelback performed a free concert to each individual tested. The Cajundome was open all day today as a designated COVID-19 testing site, where almost […]
  • Governor Edwards Restricts Family Crawfish Boils To Maximum Of 100 People
    BATON ROUGE, LA – In an unprecedented move to combat the rapidly-spreading COVID-19 virus, Governor Edwards has declared that all family crawfish boils will be restricted to no more than 100 people until the end of April. The move is sure to cause extreme disruption to most family crawfish boils across the Southern part of […]
  • UL Deemed Safe From Coronavirus After Being Unable To Find On-Campus Parking
    LAFAYETTE, LA – Despite concerns that UL would take precautions to combat the COVID-19 virus, officials announced today that it posed no threat to campus after it was unable to find a parking spot. COVID-19 – commonly known as the Coronavirus – spent approximately 45 minutes driving around the Lafayette campus looking for a parking […]
  • Festival International Announces 4 Days Of Nothing But Cowboy Mouth To Help Combat Transmission Of Illness
    LAFAYETTE, LA – With COVID-19 taking hold in many countries all around the world, Festival International organizers have decided to change the line-up to four days of non-stop Cowboy Mouth in order to help prevent spread of infection. The line-up change was decided upon this morning and announced this evening. This comes on the back […]
  • BREAKING: Priest Used Permanent Marker Again
    LAFAYETTE, LA – Obviously trying to be some sort of part-time comedian, local resident Sarah Walters has just found out that her priest used that God-damn permanent marker again. Mrs. Walters was under the assumption that the 2019 incident was a one-off and that repeating an identical prank a year later would be in poor […]
  • Courir de Mardi Gras Event Swaps Chickens For Sloths In Order To “Give Elderly A Chance”
    CHURCH POINT, LA – Organizers at this years Church Point ‘Courir de Mardi Gras’ event have dropped a bombshell by announcing that they are getting rid of the traditional chicken, and replacing it with a three-toed sloth. The announcement comes after a small number of people criticized the event as “catering towards the younger generation” and “excluding […]
  • REPORT: Kinky Area Boyfriend Wants To Keep Fishing Shirt On
    LAFAYETTE, LA – Watch out ladies, he’s going wild! Claiming that those four bottles of Bud Light have got him feelin’ stir-crazy and way out of his comfort zone, area boyfriend Todd Michaels has just declared that he wants to “keep his fishing shirt on”. Having just got home from wining and dining his one-and-only […]
  • Barricade Farmers Report Plentiful Crop This Year
    LAFAYETTE, LA – In what is sure to be a welcome economic boost for the area, crowd control barricade farmers across the Acadiana region are claiming that this years crop is one of the biggest in history. The barricade seeds were sown in the Fall and, thanks to a fairly mild Winter season, the yield […]
  • BREAKING: Saints Win Super Bowl For 37th Year Running
    MIAMI, FL – Contrary to what the fake news media outside of the great state of Louisiana try to make you believe tonight, the New Orleans Saints have won their 37th consecutive Super Bowl with a 124-3 victory over the Kansas City Chiefs. The victory came as no surprise to anyone inside of Louisiana as […]
  • Controversy As Pierre C. Shadeaux Comes Clean As “Legally Registered Blind”
    NEW IBERIA, LA – Today marks the traditional Groundhog Day across the U.S., in which millions of people decide to ignore our advances in billion-dollar early weather detection systems, and take a glorified rat’s winter-weather prediction as gospel. A tradition that somehow continues to thrive and that many look forward to each year. However controversy surrounded today’s […]